{"id":156,"date":"2015-02-19T17:38:25","date_gmt":"2015-02-19T17:38:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/?p=156"},"modified":"2015-02-26T15:37:22","modified_gmt":"2015-02-26T15:37:22","slug":"therapist-session-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/2015\/02\/19\/therapist-session-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Therapist Session #2"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"therapy-sign\"<\/a>It seems like Phase One of any therapy is building rapport and trust with a client. Certainly, I’m going to be sceptical of any therapist if I can’t prove they are intelligent and competent. So I’m keeping an open mind, agreed to offload my thoughts, talk about my habits and insecurities and feel I got a decent level of understanding back.<\/p>\n

The session ended with her summarizing me as a ‘validation seeker’ due to my explanations of being very orderly*<\/strong>, a perfectionist, trying to present myself well and wanting to be better than everyone else. Probably due to feeling invalidated growing up.. I thought- she’s hit the nail on the head with that one! And due to my temperament and higher sensitivity, I was always going to need more validation than I was getting.<\/p>\n

Validation<\/strong><\/p>\n

Trying to impress or seek approval and respect from those around us is a natural human instinct. We’re social creatures who have always lived in groups and tribes and need acceptance to survive. It’s part of who we are.<\/p>\n

Is validation bad? When is it bad?<\/strong>
\nWhen I think of people who need constant validation, I think of shallow bimbo types- they focus on and show of their exterior facade to gain attention at parties, with their friends, over Facebook or whatever. Shallow values annoy me, and I guess being like that isn’t healthy. I’m not like that…
\nOr to some extent, maybe I am? Perhaps I’ve just learned how to show off subtly because I don’t want a negative judgement and for people to think I’m a douche? I’m conscious of staying in shape, dressing well, driving a nice car, being clean and tidy, having nice things. I want people to notice, but I won’t make my efforts obvious and be all “hey, look at me!”<\/p>\n

Rather than show off to my peers, I probably try to validate myself<\/strong> in private more than anything by comparing to others<\/strong>. I ask myself, Am I doing ok? Am I good enough?<\/p>\n

Hmm… Not living up to the standards I set myself- Is that anything to do with the notion of validation?<\/p>\n

Either way, I can’t see a positive outcome if I don’t stay in shape, if I’m not tidy, if I don’t try to push myself and reach difficult goals. I guess I’m torn between wanting to let go of the stresses of maintaining high standards, and at the same time retaining the benefits that come from having those standards.<\/p>\n

I hope there is a solution to that dilemma. I hope the therapy might help with that, or at least for Phase two<\/strong> I’d like to put something new into practice and directly tackle some of my day to day struggles in a new way.<\/p>\n

*[Being Orderly is more a positive trait to increase efficiency in one’s life. I don’t know if I am orderly as a means of seeking validation. I simply take pride in my ordering, categorizing and efficiency]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It seems like Phase One of any therapy is building rapport and trust with a client. Certainly, I’m going to be sceptical of any therapist if I can’t prove they are intelligent and competent. So I’m keeping an open mind, Continue reading Therapist Session #2<\/span>→<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,4,14,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-review","category-self-understanding","category-theory","category-unanswered-questions"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p68SmO-2w","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=156"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":166,"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/156\/revisions\/166"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.benkrefta.com\/transformation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}