Right now, I feel as though I have a brief window to self-analyse before distractions take over and force me back to a mental state of mindlessly reacting to whatever is at hand…
I started today waking up, then finishing reading ‘Waking up’ by Sam Harris. An interesting, thoughtful book worth a second run. It makes me once again re-think about consciousness and who am I.
As I understand it, I am my awareness / consciousness. I am also, or at least have become, the content of my life- Content (thoughts, memories, opinions, preferences and in other words, ego) which makes me unique and gives me identity. Although perhaps ownership of an identity / ego is not something worth nurturing or holding on to? And perhaps that is because the content in one’s life changes over time and lacks lasting significance? New experiences take place, new beliefs form and you never stay the same. You become a different person over time. Although not entirely different. Some early experiences will most likely remain indefinitely, while physical attributes, such as eye and skin colour will most definitely remain though out life…
It would seem that the content part of one’s life can often be a cause of misery and acts like meditation are said to provide relief from pain by detaching from the thoughts and ego by simply observing them. I also wonder if there is a way to actively shape one’s content, and so then alter beliefs, thought patters and the identity I’ve acquired? And is that even a goal worth pursuing?
I suppose many people already shape the content of their brains, for example, when they travel to a new place and experience a new way of life, temporarily abandoning their familiar routines / lifestyle and instead see the world differently. Is that why people like to travel? To actively broaden their horizons and give their brains new content to work with? I’ve always thought that it would be all good and well for me to replace my external environment for another, but I will surely still have the same filter in my brain which will only allow me to interpret much of my subjective experience in a negative way, whether I am at home, in a foreign country or living on the moon.
There is truth to the fact that I unknowingly cling to my established thought patterns wherever I go. I can’t escape them just be moving house or being in a different place. I’ve tried it. While the novelty of a new environment does bring about a temporary positive change in mood, it seems to gradually fade over a month or two after getting used to it. I don’t know how much of the positive effect of having re-located permanently remains? Perhaps some, or none, and the only solution might be to continually travel and experience new things or ideas before boredom or a negative outlook has time to catch up?
On a neuro-scientific level, I suspect that being in a new place and experiencing something new causes new synaptic pathways in the brain to form, effectively altering who you are. That is the goal. But to first let go of old, limiting self beliefs, and adopt positive new ones may not be as simple as throwing yourself into a new, unfamiliar situation. And even if it was, retaining the new outlook and not reverting back to the old once familiarity with the new setting kicks in would be a challenge. I’m sure in the future it will be possible to selectively and permanently alter parts of the brain in order to give someone a person a personality make-over. Both a scary and exciting possibility. If such is possible, it does make me then question who I am and what is the significance to any aspect of my identity?
This is interesting to think about and something that I feel everyone needs to consider to avoid simply existing, like an ant- just carrying out it’s genetically pre-programmed routine and being reactive to whatever appears in it’s path. I view most people like ants. I myself behave link an ant, but at least I have the insight to realize what I am.
While profound insights about one’s self are important, so is survival, and so is happiness. As a mere mortal human governed largely by human needs and instincts, I don’t feel I can neglect my external life. For my own physical and immediate mental well-being, I need to: work, form relationships and alliances, be part of society and increase my status within society or those around me by demonstrating or providing value, seek enjoyment.
In some ways I would be scared to throw out my identity. Although I struggle to fit in, I have discovered small pockets of people who appreciate my unique qualities and preferences. I’m concerned about the possibility of changing who I am to the point of abandoning these people and potentially making me even more obscure and less likable. I’ve found ways which help manage my unfortunate stress intolerance- while getting out of my routine sounds like it could be just what I need, could it make things worse and cause excessive or physiological and mental anguish? I’d have to start over from scratch- crafting a new life and having no affinity to anyone or any thing.
In the real world, I guess unless I suffer from retrograde amnesia, a part of my identity will most likely always remain, even if I make active efforts to change my life / the way I think. I wonder Is there is a way to selectively pick the parts of your identity to keep or discard? Maybe the idea is to just see and experience as much of everything as you can and your subconscious will work that out for you?