I’ve finally finished my six session NHS therapy.
3 sessions with one therapist- an older, intelligent lady who offered a few insights but ultimately became frustrated that I couldn’t/wouldn’t fit her CBT molds or models and was unable to relate to her diagrams of how I supposedly think.
3 sessions with another lady. She was nice and more focused on the idea of acceptance rather than change. Throwing the idea of mindful meditation into the mix as homework.
6 one hour long sessions were barely enough to touch the sides, but that’s all you get unless able and willing to go with private treatment. It proved to be a small help while it lasted- offering a forum to consider myself and my mind, but certainly not life changing. Fortunately I wasn’t relying on it helping too much and it met my low expectations.
One big problem I still have with conventional therapy / CBT are ‘Thought records’ like this one:
The idea is to record a negative thought process, state facts that justify the thought, facts that don’t, then re-evaluate the thought in a more balanced way. I used theme park rides as an example to fill this sheet out, but I get stuck. It doesn’t make sense to me. It almost feels like I’m being asked to disregard the evidence and first hand experience which generate my current thought processes and be able to invent opposing evidence. Perhaps I need help defining each column or reinterpreting what ‘facts’ mean?
Completing the sheet might be pointless anyway if I doesn’t actually help me make any lasting positive changes in my life.
I think if possible I need to find like-minded people to discuss my ideas, thoughts and feelings with and I’m sure they would prove to be as helpful as therapy, if not more so. Or at least more helpful than therapy I’m used to receiving.