I’d taken a lot of time out from my self development. Life got in the way and I got busy.
Today I sat down to watch a TV Documentary about personalities. It explained theories about why some people are more stressed and anxious than others and how anxiety levels can be changed through mindful meditation and conscious positive focus exercises.
It was another sound bit of proof which contributes to the whole “you get what you focus on in life” theory. Look for the positive and you’ll get it, look for the negative and you’ll get it.
I really want to be more positive and less anxious, but perhaps there’s some kinda reasoning going on in my head which makes me continue worrying about the potential negative rather than instead focusing on the possible positive outcomes. Perhaps subconsciously I don’t want to adjust my mindset?
I would guess my brain thinks that anxiety and negative thinking helps: prepare me better for negative outcome, lets me plan for future events better, the added pressure I give myself can motivate me to avoid potential bad scenarios, allows me to see a more balance view of reality, pushes me to keep standards as high as possible.
Perhaps I secretly fear I would lose the above benefits if I were to be a blind, fuzzy-headed optimist?
OR perhaps my sense of self is too wrapped up in the whole anxiety thing? Maybe leaving a part of myself behind would fuck with my ideas of who I am, my sense of self and leave me without a identity I recognize – This could be one of the biggest obstacles in tackling mental health issues or bad thinking habits or habits in general.
I’m conflicted. I keep fluctuating between valuing happiness as the ultimate goal and maintaining a realistic and balanced view of the world. Can a blind optimist be objective and realistic? Happiness on it’s own won’t put food on the table, prepare me for the future and allow me to survive in an uncertain world. Then again, perhaps being a happier person will be the catalyst for life changes that will allow me to gain more than ever before?
Perhaps when I am ready, I can begin mindful meditation and conscious positive focus exercises with the hope that it will lead me to a better existence?